A friend who recently got married to his girlfriend since 5 years asked me "Arre yeh arranged marriages kaise hoti hai ? Please batana mujhe"
My various thoughts on the topic:
(Please note that “Arranged marriage” here refers to the process where the girl and the boy are allowed sufficient interaction with each other before saying the final yes. Not to be confused with the process where the boy and girl have no say in their marriage and do not even talk before getting married.)
1. Love just happens. It can happen anywhere, anytime, to anyone, with anyone. Arranged marriages are more organized and structured. Its more akin to a job posting. Biodatas and photos are collected over a period of time, shortlisted, candidates (and family)interviewed ( or met), again filtered, and then the person you are going to get married to is selected. After that interactions speed up, slowly turning into a friendship and finally graduating to a sense of mutual trust, commitment and finally love.
2. In love marriage, you first get to know your partner, decide that this is the one for me and then you try to find out about his/her family and get to know them. In arranged marriage, even before you know where your prospective partner works, you know where his/her father/mother/brother/sister is, what are they doing etc etc. Only once you are satisfied with the family background, you proceed.
3. Post marriage: In love marriage, you already know most of the things about your partner so you are already aware of the adjustments that you will need to make. In arranged marriage, you decide to get married only once you have ascertained that your partner has the basic qualities that you want to see in your spouse. The other little things have to be discovered post marriage. The key thing is you are not getting married to someone just because he/she is from your community. You are getting married because you really liked that person.
4. Whether love or arranged, I think it takes equal amount of effort to get adjusted and accepted by your spouse’ family.
5. 5 years after marriage, I think it hardly matters whether it was a love marriage or arranged one. By this time, you should already know most of the things about your partner (if you don’t – there is something definitely wrong!) and then it’s a process of growing together.
In summary, I think the big difference in the two scenarios is the sequence in which things happen. Other than this, there is hardly any difference. These are my thoughts as of now. What will be my thoughts 5 years after my marriage – only time will tell.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Monday, October 20, 2008
Beautiful Monday Morning !
Its been such a long time that I havent posted something here. Not that I havent been thinking or wondering. Just that been too lazy to jot down things here. So, thought would share something funny but learning experience that I went through this morning.
Monday, 20 Oct 2008, 7:50 AM: It was 0C today in Ohio, first time this winter that it touched 0. I looked at my car and instead of the usual fog, there was a thin layer of ice on the windshield. So, I started cleaning the car when I realized I should switch on the car so that the ice melts. I put in the key, started the car, came out, closed the door and started cleaning again. Because the trousers I am wearing today do not have pockets, I thought I would put the cellphone in the car, as it was difficult with the cellphone in one hand and trying to clean with the other hand. But, oh no! the car is locked !! I didn’t realize the car auto-locks itself when the key is in and all doors are closed. I tried my luck to see if any door, by mistake did not get closed properly. But no, not today. All the doors were properly closed and locked. Then after 2-3 minutes of panicking, I remembered something called a duplicate key of the car which was luckily in the house ( And for once, I even knew where it was kept). But guess what, the house is locked and the keys are in my bag which is in the car !! So then I called my apartment people to help me open my house. But they say, since it is out of office hours and I locked the car myself, its not an emergency - I will have to wait till the office opens at 10 am ( by the way, the car is ON all this while). Then I remembered that the duplicate keys of my house is with my friend who stays in the next colony (its not very far, but considerable distance for me to walk there and get the keys from them). So, I call them up (they usually leave by 9-9.30, and I called them up at 8). So, I make their morning barbaad but they are kind enough to immediately come to my house with my apt keys. With a sheepish look, I took the keys from my friend, opened the house, took the duplicate car keys and opened the car - phew ! That was 20 minutes of unnecessary trouble- not just to me, but to my friends as well. Needless to add, that also meant 20 minutes of delay in reaching office (which isn’t such a big deal :P)
I was saved a lot of trouble because of the cellphone. It would have been really difficult without it. So, once again, like various other times technology saved me. But, it was the technology which put me into trouble in the first place !!
Moral of the story: When technology puts you in trouble, only technology can take you out of it.
Moral of the story2: Once you switch ON the car, NEVER step out and close the door !! Or, come out with all the belongings.
I was saved a lot of trouble because of the cellphone. It would have been really difficult without it. So, once again, like various other times technology saved me. But, it was the technology which put me into trouble in the first place !!
Moral of the story: When technology puts you in trouble, only technology can take you out of it.
Moral of the story2: Once you switch ON the car, NEVER step out and close the door !! Or, come out with all the belongings.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Childhood Memories
I was listening to Radio the other day and they had a cute thing going on…they were asking people what games they used to play when they were small. It was so nice to hear some names that I had not heard in a long time. People said all sorts of things from pakdam-pakadayi (running and catching), oonch-neech or land and water, lock and key, sitolia (or seven stones or pitthoo). And then I also remembered my childhood and all the games that we used to play. There was one particular game that we used to call “gallery” – Don’t remember the rules now, but it had something to do with four blocks and four stones. Any kind of stones- big, small, round , flat. Ahh…flat stones - that reminds me of something. But, I just couldn’t remember the name of the most basic game that we used to play where you have to throw stones on the boxes we used to draw in the playground/road with sticks/chalk. And not just any stones could be used for that game…you needed special flat stones. In fact, flat stones were so difficult to find that half of games period used to be spent searching for them and then the other half in playing that game. So much so that, I actually started collecting such stones and used to put them in my school bag. Before I knew it, I had almost 30-35 of them! My dad once came to the room and lifted my bag to keep it aside, he found it awfully heavy and asked me “kya patthar bhare hai kya isme?” I of course, didn’t know it then that it was meant to be a metaphor and innocently said yes (I was also wondering how did he know?). Papa was shocked beyond words. At first, he could not understand why it was so important for me to have those flat stones. But after my repeated attempts to explain it to him, he let me keep one of them and let me go with the warning that he would check my bag daily now. I don’t remember, I think I had cried then because papa had scolded me. But now, I can’t stop laughing about it. As I was having this flashback, there was one thing that was still bothering me…what was the name of the game? How can I forget this? After days of thinking, it suddenly struck me “STAAPU”. That’s what we used to call it. I know there are innumerable other names for this one. Then there was this other game, I don’t even know if it ever had a name. Two people stand facing each other, holding hands up, sort of making an entry gate and everybody else has to enter through it. I remember some parts of the song “….ab toh jail mai jaana padega, jail ki roti khani padegi, jail ka pani peena padega, ab toh jail mai jaana hi padega”. And then that person would be out. Was there any name for this game? If there was, I don’t remember it (I have become old !!)
And then of course I thought about good old teacher-teacher, ghar-ghar, ringa-ringa roses, fire in the mountain,…….and the list goes on. Children have a good imagination and do not really need toys to play with !! Anyways, it was nice to relive those years all over again (atleast in memories)!!
And then of course I thought about good old teacher-teacher, ghar-ghar, ringa-ringa roses, fire in the mountain,…….and the list goes on. Children have a good imagination and do not really need toys to play with !! Anyways, it was nice to relive those years all over again (atleast in memories)!!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
GOD
A friend asked me today "Does GOD exist ?". I dont know how to reply to her in yes or no. Here are my various thoughts on the issue:
1. In ancient times, people used to treat their kings as gods. So, essentially Ram, Krishna etc were good kings that took good care of their subjects. Hence, people gave them the status of “God” and believed they were re-incarnations of Vishnu himself. Even Hiranyakashyap declared himself as God and forced people to worship him, but because of his bad deeds people gave him the status of “raakshas”
2. Being a Hindu by birth, I have been taught (or rather just gathered this while growing up) to treat the five basic elements as God. Food is considered god. Sun is considered god. Science also says we cannot survive without these. We know for a fact that the body dissolves into these elements upon death. That’s exactly what geeta preaches….”bhagwaan ko sab arpan karta ja”
3. I also believe in the theory of vibrations. And that’s why I like to go to temples. When so many people with good vibrations (even the worst of the people think only about good things in temple) are together, those vibrations have a positive effect on you. Also, the fear of God instills discipline in people. If you get up early in the morning, take bath, pray (which in a way, is same or close to meditation) , the body will be healthy. Havent you ever wondered why you feel so good on smelling “agarbatti” ? Its fragrance itself makes you feel happy, besides in ancient times it used to get rid of insects.
4. My take on astrology: When the moon’s gravitational pull alone can cause tides, the gravitational forces of planets definitely affect our thinking, actions and hence our future. It has been empirically proved that the number of accidents occurring on amavasya is much more than that on purnima. I believe in astrology the science, but do not know if I can believe in any of the modern day astrologers. If the place and time of birth is known accurately, the future can be predicted with some accuracy. But then again, it is in your hands to change it.
5. Never underestimate the power of human mind. “If you think you can, you can”. And that’s why I feel the belief in god is nothing but belief in yourself. If believing in god gives you strength, its nothing but your own inner strength which you otherwise don’t realize that you have. Only when you are put into certain ‘not-so-good’ situations , you realize how much you are capable of handling, and you really find your inner strength. Some people say they did it, some give it the name of God.
6. I really do believe in “geeta” – though I have not read it fully yet. It does not try to clarify if God exists or not, rather talks about what should be one’s approach towards life. I try to follow it as much as I can.
Makes sense ?
1. In ancient times, people used to treat their kings as gods. So, essentially Ram, Krishna etc were good kings that took good care of their subjects. Hence, people gave them the status of “God” and believed they were re-incarnations of Vishnu himself. Even Hiranyakashyap declared himself as God and forced people to worship him, but because of his bad deeds people gave him the status of “raakshas”
2. Being a Hindu by birth, I have been taught (or rather just gathered this while growing up) to treat the five basic elements as God. Food is considered god. Sun is considered god. Science also says we cannot survive without these. We know for a fact that the body dissolves into these elements upon death. That’s exactly what geeta preaches….”bhagwaan ko sab arpan karta ja”
3. I also believe in the theory of vibrations. And that’s why I like to go to temples. When so many people with good vibrations (even the worst of the people think only about good things in temple) are together, those vibrations have a positive effect on you. Also, the fear of God instills discipline in people. If you get up early in the morning, take bath, pray (which in a way, is same or close to meditation) , the body will be healthy. Havent you ever wondered why you feel so good on smelling “agarbatti” ? Its fragrance itself makes you feel happy, besides in ancient times it used to get rid of insects.
4. My take on astrology: When the moon’s gravitational pull alone can cause tides, the gravitational forces of planets definitely affect our thinking, actions and hence our future. It has been empirically proved that the number of accidents occurring on amavasya is much more than that on purnima. I believe in astrology the science, but do not know if I can believe in any of the modern day astrologers. If the place and time of birth is known accurately, the future can be predicted with some accuracy. But then again, it is in your hands to change it.
5. Never underestimate the power of human mind. “If you think you can, you can”. And that’s why I feel the belief in god is nothing but belief in yourself. If believing in god gives you strength, its nothing but your own inner strength which you otherwise don’t realize that you have. Only when you are put into certain ‘not-so-good’ situations , you realize how much you are capable of handling, and you really find your inner strength. Some people say they did it, some give it the name of God.
6. I really do believe in “geeta” – though I have not read it fully yet. It does not try to clarify if God exists or not, rather talks about what should be one’s approach towards life. I try to follow it as much as I can.
Makes sense ?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Necessary Evil
I hate it when I have to work so hard, with such strict deadlines and my PM literally sitting over my head asking for updates every hour on an issue. I hate it even more when there is no work around for me to do. I just asked my friend how she managed to work for all these years and doesn't she ever get bored. Her reply was very simple yet left me wondering " If we don't do this, then also it will be boring". Work - a necessary evil. Most people do not want to work but become so miserable when they actually do not have any work.
I am fine when I do not have any work to do at home - I can watch movies, songs, talk for hours on the phone, read a book or simply just sleep. But what do you do in office when you don't have work ? When you share a cube with four other people, you cant even watch movies, songs , read a book (although I have read two e-books in office so far), or talk for hours on the phone. You can sleep for a little while (which I sometimes do and one of my colleagues even snores while sleeping ). But, then what ? Even gmail/yahoo is blocked in office, so I cant even chat !! I do sometimes blog ( Most of my blogs below were written in office !). But you cant get a new topic to blog about every time you are feeling bored in office.
I try to get involved in the conversation that my colleagues have. But since all others are guys (on top of being american) , half of the times I don't get what they are talking, when I do get what they are saying, I don't feel like talking about it. Also, talking happens very rarely in our cube.
Then, sometimes I try to 'Google' something totally weird or random. The other day I was reading something online and found out from where I get my short-temper. I am a descendant of Vishwamitra (Kaushika goutra). He was very very short-tempered and hence people of kaushika goutra are known to have short-temper (it also said they have good mathematical skills).
I do try to also read some technical docs, trying to update/refresh myself. But I consider it more as a part of work.
Thats about all that I do when I have some breathing time in office. So, what do you do when you are bored in office? Suggestions/experiences to share are more than welcome.
I am fine when I do not have any work to do at home - I can watch movies, songs, talk for hours on the phone, read a book or simply just sleep. But what do you do in office when you don't have work ? When you share a cube with four other people, you cant even watch movies, songs , read a book (although I have read two e-books in office so far), or talk for hours on the phone. You can sleep for a little while (which I sometimes do and one of my colleagues even snores while sleeping ). But, then what ? Even gmail/yahoo is blocked in office, so I cant even chat !! I do sometimes blog ( Most of my blogs below were written in office !). But you cant get a new topic to blog about every time you are feeling bored in office.
I try to get involved in the conversation that my colleagues have. But since all others are guys (on top of being american) , half of the times I don't get what they are talking, when I do get what they are saying, I don't feel like talking about it. Also, talking happens very rarely in our cube.
Then, sometimes I try to 'Google' something totally weird or random. The other day I was reading something online and found out from where I get my short-temper. I am a descendant of Vishwamitra (Kaushika goutra). He was very very short-tempered and hence people of kaushika goutra are known to have short-temper (it also said they have good mathematical skills).
I do try to also read some technical docs, trying to update/refresh myself. But I consider it more as a part of work.
Thats about all that I do when I have some breathing time in office. So, what do you do when you are bored in office? Suggestions/experiences to share are more than welcome.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Jumbled...
US or India? This question has always lingered on in my mind from the moment I gave my GRE. After thinking a lot about it, talking to a lot of people about it, reading a lot of blogs on the net of people wanting to move back or people who actually did move back, I have decided for myself that I want to move back. When I say this to someone, I have always got different reaction from different people. Some think they can identify with me and feel the same urge to go back. Some say its ridiculous, things are better here, life is more comfortable here etc etc. I have tried to clear out my thoughts on this. But there are so many inter-related things that I can never lay them out in a straight line. I am going to attempt to do that now and in the process just jot down random thoughts from my mind on this topic.
Well, the primary reason for going back is because I WANT TO GO BACK. It’s not that I want to go back because I miss my family. Even if my entire family were to come here, I would still want to go back. It’s not just the family, its much more beyond that. I belong to India. I will never be able to call America “home”. I will never be able to say I am American. Even if I do manage to get US citizenship, the guy in Walmart will still ask me “where are you from?” and I will still say “India”. I don’t think I will ever be able to understand American jokes that my colleagues crack. I always give this analogy to all my friends – if you go to visit some place for vacation, you fall in love with the place the moment you arrive there. You feel relaxed, you feel you are in heaven, away from all your tensions. The hotel room you stay in is very beautiful – much more beautiful than your home. You really like it there. You have all the comforts. It will feel nice for maybe a few weeks. After that the heart will urge you to go back home. Even if somebody lets you stay there for free, even when you have your entire family with you, you WILL want to go back home. The peace that you get at home, you will never get in the hotel room.
Life is definitely more comfortable here than in India. And yet, it doesn’t seem right. Although there is nothing in particular that bothers me, it’s never peaceful here. There is some kind of restlessness. The restlessness that most of us here in US feel, but do not know how to explain. Agreed, life in India is not easy. But when I could handle all the problems in India for the first 20 years of my life; when my parents, my brother, my sister, my friends are all leading a completely normal, comfortable life in India, why can’t I? And it’s not like there have been no problems here. There have been problems, struggle here too and it will always be. Problems never cease to exist in one’s life. If traveling in local trains in sweltering heat in Bombay (I still call it Bombay) is a pain, wearing four layers of clothing and traveling in subzero temperature with numb limbs is by no means comfortable either. If I can adapt myself to the system here, I can definitely adapt myself to the system that I have grown up with.
When I see the Indians who have settled in US, hardly any of them have American ‘friends’(I doubt if Americans have the word ‘friend’ in their vocabulary). They have built their own Indian community here. Even in US, they are trying to live in India. Many of them, in fact, most of them still have the urge inside to go back to India. But they are so tied up with their jobs and kids and all, leaving all that and starting all over in India is a scary thought. That’s why I want to go back now. I am in a situation where I just have to think about myself. I am not well settled here too. Hence, it’s not as scary for me to start all over in India. The longer you stay here, the more difficult it is to go back. And I definitely do not want to get stuck here and suffer from the X = X+1 Syndrome . In fact, it seems the most perfect time for me to make this move now.
Most of the people feel, Indian kids who are born and brought up in US, do not have Indian values. I don’t think this statement is entirely true. Some parents have really done a wonderful job in bringing up their kids here. There are actually some (not all though, sadly) people who have adopted the best of both worlds. They have made their kids independent and let them free like their American counterparts, and yet instilled in them Indian values of family and togetherness. In fact, some of the Indian kids I met here have more Indian values than the youngsters in India today. And yet, I have met parents here who are more orthodox than parents in India today. I was shocked to see that even after staying in US for so many years, parents do differentiate between son and daughter. This is clearly not seen in India today (in cities, I mean). With people in India getting more and more westernized and people here getting more Indian, the world is truly becoming flat. We are truly becoming ‘global citizens’. The more I think about it, there is nothing like a “perfect” place to live. There are good and bad things about every place. One needs to have his/her priorities well defined and then decide which place is more suitable for him/her. You definitely cannot say “this place is good, or this place is bad”. It depends on what you think is good or bad; what is of importance to you may not be important to me!
Well, my thoughts still do not make any set pattern to me. I think I will have to come back to this discussion again.
Well, the primary reason for going back is because I WANT TO GO BACK. It’s not that I want to go back because I miss my family. Even if my entire family were to come here, I would still want to go back. It’s not just the family, its much more beyond that. I belong to India. I will never be able to call America “home”. I will never be able to say I am American. Even if I do manage to get US citizenship, the guy in Walmart will still ask me “where are you from?” and I will still say “India”. I don’t think I will ever be able to understand American jokes that my colleagues crack. I always give this analogy to all my friends – if you go to visit some place for vacation, you fall in love with the place the moment you arrive there. You feel relaxed, you feel you are in heaven, away from all your tensions. The hotel room you stay in is very beautiful – much more beautiful than your home. You really like it there. You have all the comforts. It will feel nice for maybe a few weeks. After that the heart will urge you to go back home. Even if somebody lets you stay there for free, even when you have your entire family with you, you WILL want to go back home. The peace that you get at home, you will never get in the hotel room.
Life is definitely more comfortable here than in India. And yet, it doesn’t seem right. Although there is nothing in particular that bothers me, it’s never peaceful here. There is some kind of restlessness. The restlessness that most of us here in US feel, but do not know how to explain. Agreed, life in India is not easy. But when I could handle all the problems in India for the first 20 years of my life; when my parents, my brother, my sister, my friends are all leading a completely normal, comfortable life in India, why can’t I? And it’s not like there have been no problems here. There have been problems, struggle here too and it will always be. Problems never cease to exist in one’s life. If traveling in local trains in sweltering heat in Bombay (I still call it Bombay) is a pain, wearing four layers of clothing and traveling in subzero temperature with numb limbs is by no means comfortable either. If I can adapt myself to the system here, I can definitely adapt myself to the system that I have grown up with.
When I see the Indians who have settled in US, hardly any of them have American ‘friends’(I doubt if Americans have the word ‘friend’ in their vocabulary). They have built their own Indian community here. Even in US, they are trying to live in India. Many of them, in fact, most of them still have the urge inside to go back to India. But they are so tied up with their jobs and kids and all, leaving all that and starting all over in India is a scary thought. That’s why I want to go back now. I am in a situation where I just have to think about myself. I am not well settled here too. Hence, it’s not as scary for me to start all over in India. The longer you stay here, the more difficult it is to go back. And I definitely do not want to get stuck here and suffer from the X = X+1 Syndrome . In fact, it seems the most perfect time for me to make this move now.
Most of the people feel, Indian kids who are born and brought up in US, do not have Indian values. I don’t think this statement is entirely true. Some parents have really done a wonderful job in bringing up their kids here. There are actually some (not all though, sadly) people who have adopted the best of both worlds. They have made their kids independent and let them free like their American counterparts, and yet instilled in them Indian values of family and togetherness. In fact, some of the Indian kids I met here have more Indian values than the youngsters in India today. And yet, I have met parents here who are more orthodox than parents in India today. I was shocked to see that even after staying in US for so many years, parents do differentiate between son and daughter. This is clearly not seen in India today (in cities, I mean). With people in India getting more and more westernized and people here getting more Indian, the world is truly becoming flat. We are truly becoming ‘global citizens’. The more I think about it, there is nothing like a “perfect” place to live. There are good and bad things about every place. One needs to have his/her priorities well defined and then decide which place is more suitable for him/her. You definitely cannot say “this place is good, or this place is bad”. It depends on what you think is good or bad; what is of importance to you may not be important to me!
Well, my thoughts still do not make any set pattern to me. I think I will have to come back to this discussion again.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
This poem was written by me on Diwali 2007 when I was definitely not in the happiest of my moods. I had almost lost it, had written it in the roughbook of a friend. Thought would post this here, now that I have got it.
Warning (esp. for my family): Dont worry, I am very happy today !
सबके चेहरो पर छाई खुशहाली
कहते है सब मुझे हैप्पी दिवाली
किस बात की खुशी मनाऊँ मैं
कब तक ये झूठा मुखौटा पहनुँ मैं
साल का सबसे बड़ा त्यौहार है आज
श्रीराम ने पहना था अपने सर पर ताज
मेरा तो अभी वनवास शुरु हुआ है
साथ सिर्फ चाहने वालों की दुआ है
न जाने कैसे बिताए श्रीराम ने १४ साल
मेरा तो कुछ ही महिनों में हो गया है ये हाल
शायद इसीलिए कहलाते वो भगवान हैं
लेते हम मामूली इंसानों का इम्तिहान है
हिम्मत अब धीरे धीरे टूट रही है
लगता है जैसे गाड़ी कोई छूट रही है
थोड़ी सी दूरी रह जाती है हर बार
और मैं भागती रहती हूँ लगातार
सब्र का फल मीठा होता ह, जानती हूँ मैं
लेकिन क्या करुँ , आखिर इंसान हूँ मैं
ले ले विधाता चाहे जो परीक्षा , हिम्मत नहीं हारुँगी मैं
एक न एक दिन दिवाली ज़रुर मनाऊँगी मैं
Warning (esp. for my family): Dont worry, I am very happy today !
सबके चेहरो पर छाई खुशहाली
कहते है सब मुझे हैप्पी दिवाली
किस बात की खुशी मनाऊँ मैं
कब तक ये झूठा मुखौटा पहनुँ मैं
साल का सबसे बड़ा त्यौहार है आज
श्रीराम ने पहना था अपने सर पर ताज
मेरा तो अभी वनवास शुरु हुआ है
साथ सिर्फ चाहने वालों की दुआ है
न जाने कैसे बिताए श्रीराम ने १४ साल
मेरा तो कुछ ही महिनों में हो गया है ये हाल
शायद इसीलिए कहलाते वो भगवान हैं
लेते हम मामूली इंसानों का इम्तिहान है
हिम्मत अब धीरे धीरे टूट रही है
लगता है जैसे गाड़ी कोई छूट रही है
थोड़ी सी दूरी रह जाती है हर बार
और मैं भागती रहती हूँ लगातार
सब्र का फल मीठा होता ह, जानती हूँ मैं
लेकिन क्या करुँ , आखिर इंसान हूँ मैं
ले ले विधाता चाहे जो परीक्षा , हिम्मत नहीं हारुँगी मैं
एक न एक दिन दिवाली ज़रुर मनाऊँगी मैं
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)