Preface: Wrote this poem about 4 months back, found it today while surfing on my Google Docs. Not in a mood to change the font to Devnagari right now.
Beti lakshmi ka roop hai
jane yeh kitna sach, kitna jhoot hai
jin haathon ko pakad kabhi chalna sikhaya
aaj unhi haathon mein mehendi rachi hai
waqt na jane kaise beet gaya
aaj usi beti ki doli saji hai
dulhan bankar, saj-dhaj kar
aaj badi woh khush hai
maa-baap, parivaar chhoot jayenge aaj
bas yahi ek use dukh hai
jab bichhadna hai fir milne ke liye
fir bhi kyon aankhen bhar aati hai
beti paida hi hoti hai jane ke liye
fir kyon sab rote hai jab woh sasural jati hai
jab jab uski yaad sataye
ghar par milne woh aati hai
apni hi kokh se toh janam diya
fir kyon parayi kehlati hai ?
do parivaaron mein bantkar
bhi woh khush rehti hai
uski duvidha woh hi jane
kisise na kuchh kehti hai
Friday, August 21, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
My 'bhaav' skills
One of the many concerns I had while re-migrating was how to buy vegetables in India.
I used to always refuse to go with my mom to the sabji-mandi as she used to bargain a lot or as we say do a lot of bhaav. 3 years in US was easy- just go to Cub Foods/Walmart/Krogers and grab whatever you need, put it in the cart, pay by credit card and drive back home happily. Even though you get vegetables in departmental stores in India too, they are not as fresh as the local sabji-mandi and expensive too. So one fine day, I went to the sabjiwalas that sit outside my house. I looked at cauliflower and said nervously "kaisa diya flower?" (I had gone reluctantly with mom a few times), he said "8 rupay paav". I had absolutely no idea whether this was cheap or expensive. But still I tried to maaro chance and said,"7 lagao, aadha leti hoon." To my surprise he agreed. I was thinking I should have said 6. Nevertheless, this continued for about a week by when I got an idea of which vegetable is running at what rate in the market.
I was back from jodhpur after a week and we went 'sabji' shopping. We took some 4-5 vegetables from the same vendor, the total cost came to 82. My husband gave me 105 Rs and said softly "I challenge you to get me back 30 Rs". Ab toh meri izzat ka sawaal tha. "pachattar laga lo bhaiyya",I said. He did no-no, I did yes-yes for some while after which I shouted loudly "Bilkul baraabar hai". He finally resigned and gave me back 30 Rs which I turned around and flashed to my husband smilingly.
I used to always refuse to go with my mom to the sabji-mandi as she used to bargain a lot or as we say do a lot of bhaav. 3 years in US was easy- just go to Cub Foods/Walmart/Krogers and grab whatever you need, put it in the cart, pay by credit card and drive back home happily. Even though you get vegetables in departmental stores in India too, they are not as fresh as the local sabji-mandi and expensive too. So one fine day, I went to the sabjiwalas that sit outside my house. I looked at cauliflower and said nervously "kaisa diya flower?" (I had gone reluctantly with mom a few times), he said "8 rupay paav". I had absolutely no idea whether this was cheap or expensive. But still I tried to maaro chance and said,"7 lagao, aadha leti hoon." To my surprise he agreed. I was thinking I should have said 6. Nevertheless, this continued for about a week by when I got an idea of which vegetable is running at what rate in the market.
I was back from jodhpur after a week and we went 'sabji' shopping. We took some 4-5 vegetables from the same vendor, the total cost came to 82. My husband gave me 105 Rs and said softly "I challenge you to get me back 30 Rs". Ab toh meri izzat ka sawaal tha. "pachattar laga lo bhaiyya",I said. He did no-no, I did yes-yes for some while after which I shouted loudly "Bilkul baraabar hai". He finally resigned and gave me back 30 Rs which I turned around and flashed to my husband smilingly.
Spoon Feeding vs Bureaucracy
This is another in the series of re-migration to India. 4 years of spoon-feeding in US spoils you enough to get starting problems in India.Now you must be wondering what sort of spoon feeding am I talking about here.
Scenario 1: You are a new hire in a US company. The HR greets you with a big big (of course fake) smile. She tells you about the company policies and regulations, makes you sign the 'privacy' documents, medical insurance etc etc. She even explains you the 401K plan punctuated by some jokes on which you smile hesitantly (bcos u dont know who is she trying to make fun of ).Then she takes you to the seat allocated for you.Your team manager comes to you and greets you with a stiff smile (techies havent yet learnt the art of fake big smiles). He briefs you on the projects they have in mind for you. He talks about your past experiences/education etc etc. And then takes you around to meet with the entire team.He then delegates the job of setting up your machine, account, deskphone etc etc to one of his subordinates. You start attending weekly team 'meetings' ( a big big waste of time) and then get on track with your work.
Scenario 2 (or rather my first working experience in India): The HR calls me and tells me she has a list of some 50 documents that I need to submit while joining. She has sent me the list in an email. I open the email and see a document with 4-5 paras of text. I read it carefully twice and collect all my documents and go to the office first day for induction, thinking I am all prepared. And then I come to know that there is another group in the company which requires some 20 documents 'immediately',which also includes my X and XII marksheets and engg 'all' semester marksheets!! I havent seen/used these documents in ages.Luckily hubby is at home, he runs downstairs to the stationery shop and faxes me the documents. They just assume everybody carries their marksheets for induction. And to my surprise, most of the other candidates did have their X and XII marksheets with them. In addition to the 4 passport sized photographs submitted to the Background check team, they need another 4 passport size photographs (Again, they just assume that everybody carries 4 passport size photographs with them). Luckily that day, I was carrying mine.
The point I am trying to make is in US even common knowledge is iterated so many times that sometimes you get sick of it. For example, hardly anyone is actually hearing what the HR says about company confidential policies. You are just sitting there nodding to every word that she says and actually thinking about which restaurant you would go for lunch today. But in India, there are a lot of unsaid rules and regulations which has now become common knowledge and hence there is no need felt to actually say it out aloud.But to someone like me, it translates to a lot of running around. Its been almost 2 weeks since I joined, and I submitted one document yesterday and one document is still pending !
I am hoping in some time, I would come out of US 'spoon-feeding' mode to Indian 'bureaucracy' mode.
Lessons learnt: Carry all your documents for any official purpose in India, you never know when what will be required.
PS: Did you notice my habit of putting quotes to highlight a point ? One of the many gifts from Uncle Sam.
Scenario 1: You are a new hire in a US company. The HR greets you with a big big (of course fake) smile. She tells you about the company policies and regulations, makes you sign the 'privacy' documents, medical insurance etc etc. She even explains you the 401K plan punctuated by some jokes on which you smile hesitantly (bcos u dont know who is she trying to make fun of ).Then she takes you to the seat allocated for you.Your team manager comes to you and greets you with a stiff smile (techies havent yet learnt the art of fake big smiles). He briefs you on the projects they have in mind for you. He talks about your past experiences/education etc etc. And then takes you around to meet with the entire team.He then delegates the job of setting up your machine, account, deskphone etc etc to one of his subordinates. You start attending weekly team 'meetings' ( a big big waste of time) and then get on track with your work.
Scenario 2 (or rather my first working experience in India): The HR calls me and tells me she has a list of some 50 documents that I need to submit while joining. She has sent me the list in an email. I open the email and see a document with 4-5 paras of text. I read it carefully twice and collect all my documents and go to the office first day for induction, thinking I am all prepared. And then I come to know that there is another group in the company which requires some 20 documents 'immediately',which also includes my X and XII marksheets and engg 'all' semester marksheets!! I havent seen/used these documents in ages.Luckily hubby is at home, he runs downstairs to the stationery shop and faxes me the documents. They just assume everybody carries their marksheets for induction. And to my surprise, most of the other candidates did have their X and XII marksheets with them. In addition to the 4 passport sized photographs submitted to the Background check team, they need another 4 passport size photographs (Again, they just assume that everybody carries 4 passport size photographs with them). Luckily that day, I was carrying mine.
The point I am trying to make is in US even common knowledge is iterated so many times that sometimes you get sick of it. For example, hardly anyone is actually hearing what the HR says about company confidential policies. You are just sitting there nodding to every word that she says and actually thinking about which restaurant you would go for lunch today. But in India, there are a lot of unsaid rules and regulations which has now become common knowledge and hence there is no need felt to actually say it out aloud.But to someone like me, it translates to a lot of running around. Its been almost 2 weeks since I joined, and I submitted one document yesterday and one document is still pending !
I am hoping in some time, I would come out of US 'spoon-feeding' mode to Indian 'bureaucracy' mode.
Lessons learnt: Carry all your documents for any official purpose in India, you never know when what will be required.
PS: Did you notice my habit of putting quotes to highlight a point ? One of the many gifts from Uncle Sam.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Mumbai's 'LIFE'line
I know I know...a post is due on life post-remigration. But this one focusses on only one aspect of it. Having lived in Mumbai for about 11 years before going to US, one of the things that I missed the most was travelling in Ladies II class in a Mumbai local train.Funny as it sounds, it was so soothing and relaxing to be able to finally achieve this feat.
In my first lcoal train journey after moving back, two college students were discussing their assignments and complaining about how one's dad is not allowing her to go on the weekend trip with friends. Not that much time has passed since I passed college, but it was nice to know there are a lot other people who are in the same situation as I was several years back. The two friends were really tensed about this and making schemes to 'manaofy' her dad - bringing a faint smile to my face.
In another journey from Dadar to Borivali, I was amazed at the skills of a fellow passenger on finding out if platform will come on left or right (I am not sure how much will this skill be appreciated by non-Mumbaikars).She calculated this by
1. Looking out hanging from the pole.
2. The signal- I didnt understand this part but she said something about this signal being down and other one being green.
3. Whether there was a Virar local coming on the track on right.
Another very important element of Ladies II class are the vendors who sell earrings, hair clips, pass covers, etc etc. There was a middle-aged lady selling hair clips. She had a daughter about 8-9 years assisting her. As the mother sat down on one of the empty seats (it was about 10 pm) tired by the day's work, the little girl picked up the box of goodies and started shouting "aye buckle le.." The expression on the mother's face changed to that of a proud parent seeing her child stepping into her shoes.
It is very interesting to observe different strata of people (to be precise, women) doing really odd things - cutting vegetables for next day, making weekend plans, knitting a sweater, doing makeup, playing antakshari, discussing about movies,husbands,in-laws and what not.
Truly, local trains are the LIFEline of Mumbai. They do not just transport lacs of people everyday to and fro. People spend a major portion of their LIFE in these trains. It gives you an opportunity to observe LIFE from several different perspectives.
In my first lcoal train journey after moving back, two college students were discussing their assignments and complaining about how one's dad is not allowing her to go on the weekend trip with friends. Not that much time has passed since I passed college, but it was nice to know there are a lot other people who are in the same situation as I was several years back. The two friends were really tensed about this and making schemes to 'manaofy' her dad - bringing a faint smile to my face.
In another journey from Dadar to Borivali, I was amazed at the skills of a fellow passenger on finding out if platform will come on left or right (I am not sure how much will this skill be appreciated by non-Mumbaikars).She calculated this by
1. Looking out hanging from the pole.
2. The signal- I didnt understand this part but she said something about this signal being down and other one being green.
3. Whether there was a Virar local coming on the track on right.
Another very important element of Ladies II class are the vendors who sell earrings, hair clips, pass covers, etc etc. There was a middle-aged lady selling hair clips. She had a daughter about 8-9 years assisting her. As the mother sat down on one of the empty seats (it was about 10 pm) tired by the day's work, the little girl picked up the box of goodies and started shouting "aye buckle le.." The expression on the mother's face changed to that of a proud parent seeing her child stepping into her shoes.
It is very interesting to observe different strata of people (to be precise, women) doing really odd things - cutting vegetables for next day, making weekend plans, knitting a sweater, doing makeup, playing antakshari, discussing about movies,husbands,in-laws and what not.
Truly, local trains are the LIFEline of Mumbai. They do not just transport lacs of people everyday to and fro. People spend a major portion of their LIFE in these trains. It gives you an opportunity to observe LIFE from several different perspectives.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
A journey ends, another begins....
Cant believe its finally happening !! With less than a month to go, I am going crazy with all the wrapping up to do. Never realised I gathered so much stuff in my almost four years of stay here.
But more than anything, I am not able to understand the turmoil of emotions that I am going through right now. Its not easy to leave a place which has so many memories attached to it. And I literally mean, so so so many !!! My biggest lessons in life were learnt here.I think I hit the bottom-most point in all aspects of life at one point or another in these four years-academically, professionally, personally, financially. But I was blessed with such amazing friends to stand by me in these times -made some really good new friends and the bond of friendship strengthened further with the existing ones. Craziest times were lived here, did some things that I had never done in my life before - playing cricket at 2 am in the parking lot, talking about whether God exists or not for an entire night with two people who are not even ready to listen to each other,my first nightout for a project (I never did nightouts before!).There were so many firsts - first time away from family,first job,first apartment,first car,first snow ! Ohh - its been by far the most eventful phases of my life. I know I cant go back and live those moments again, but they will be etched in my memory till my grave. In a way, all these experiences here have made me the person that I am today. This was the only time in my life that I had to take all my decisions alone(ok not all, but most). And one of these decisions was to go back to India (read here).
As I get all nostalgic about my years in US, the fact that I will soon be in India is very exciting. Not just be in India, but to enter a new phase of life is even more exciting. But, that demands another post when I actually do land in India. Right now, let me just keep wandering in this walk down the memory lane...
But more than anything, I am not able to understand the turmoil of emotions that I am going through right now. Its not easy to leave a place which has so many memories attached to it. And I literally mean, so so so many !!! My biggest lessons in life were learnt here.I think I hit the bottom-most point in all aspects of life at one point or another in these four years-academically, professionally, personally, financially. But I was blessed with such amazing friends to stand by me in these times -made some really good new friends and the bond of friendship strengthened further with the existing ones. Craziest times were lived here, did some things that I had never done in my life before - playing cricket at 2 am in the parking lot, talking about whether God exists or not for an entire night with two people who are not even ready to listen to each other,my first nightout for a project (I never did nightouts before!).There were so many firsts - first time away from family,first job,first apartment,first car,first snow ! Ohh - its been by far the most eventful phases of my life. I know I cant go back and live those moments again, but they will be etched in my memory till my grave. In a way, all these experiences here have made me the person that I am today. This was the only time in my life that I had to take all my decisions alone(ok not all, but most). And one of these decisions was to go back to India (read here).
As I get all nostalgic about my years in US, the fact that I will soon be in India is very exciting. Not just be in India, but to enter a new phase of life is even more exciting. But, that demands another post when I actually do land in India. Right now, let me just keep wandering in this walk down the memory lane...
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage
A friend who recently got married to his girlfriend since 5 years asked me "Arre yeh arranged marriages kaise hoti hai ? Please batana mujhe"
My various thoughts on the topic:
(Please note that “Arranged marriage” here refers to the process where the girl and the boy are allowed sufficient interaction with each other before saying the final yes. Not to be confused with the process where the boy and girl have no say in their marriage and do not even talk before getting married.)
1. Love just happens. It can happen anywhere, anytime, to anyone, with anyone. Arranged marriages are more organized and structured. Its more akin to a job posting. Biodatas and photos are collected over a period of time, shortlisted, candidates (and family)interviewed ( or met), again filtered, and then the person you are going to get married to is selected. After that interactions speed up, slowly turning into a friendship and finally graduating to a sense of mutual trust, commitment and finally love.
2. In love marriage, you first get to know your partner, decide that this is the one for me and then you try to find out about his/her family and get to know them. In arranged marriage, even before you know where your prospective partner works, you know where his/her father/mother/brother/sister is, what are they doing etc etc. Only once you are satisfied with the family background, you proceed.
3. Post marriage: In love marriage, you already know most of the things about your partner so you are already aware of the adjustments that you will need to make. In arranged marriage, you decide to get married only once you have ascertained that your partner has the basic qualities that you want to see in your spouse. The other little things have to be discovered post marriage. The key thing is you are not getting married to someone just because he/she is from your community. You are getting married because you really liked that person.
4. Whether love or arranged, I think it takes equal amount of effort to get adjusted and accepted by your spouse’ family.
5. 5 years after marriage, I think it hardly matters whether it was a love marriage or arranged one. By this time, you should already know most of the things about your partner (if you don’t – there is something definitely wrong!) and then it’s a process of growing together.
In summary, I think the big difference in the two scenarios is the sequence in which things happen. Other than this, there is hardly any difference. These are my thoughts as of now. What will be my thoughts 5 years after my marriage – only time will tell.
My various thoughts on the topic:
(Please note that “Arranged marriage” here refers to the process where the girl and the boy are allowed sufficient interaction with each other before saying the final yes. Not to be confused with the process where the boy and girl have no say in their marriage and do not even talk before getting married.)
1. Love just happens. It can happen anywhere, anytime, to anyone, with anyone. Arranged marriages are more organized and structured. Its more akin to a job posting. Biodatas and photos are collected over a period of time, shortlisted, candidates (and family)interviewed ( or met), again filtered, and then the person you are going to get married to is selected. After that interactions speed up, slowly turning into a friendship and finally graduating to a sense of mutual trust, commitment and finally love.
2. In love marriage, you first get to know your partner, decide that this is the one for me and then you try to find out about his/her family and get to know them. In arranged marriage, even before you know where your prospective partner works, you know where his/her father/mother/brother/sister is, what are they doing etc etc. Only once you are satisfied with the family background, you proceed.
3. Post marriage: In love marriage, you already know most of the things about your partner so you are already aware of the adjustments that you will need to make. In arranged marriage, you decide to get married only once you have ascertained that your partner has the basic qualities that you want to see in your spouse. The other little things have to be discovered post marriage. The key thing is you are not getting married to someone just because he/she is from your community. You are getting married because you really liked that person.
4. Whether love or arranged, I think it takes equal amount of effort to get adjusted and accepted by your spouse’ family.
5. 5 years after marriage, I think it hardly matters whether it was a love marriage or arranged one. By this time, you should already know most of the things about your partner (if you don’t – there is something definitely wrong!) and then it’s a process of growing together.
In summary, I think the big difference in the two scenarios is the sequence in which things happen. Other than this, there is hardly any difference. These are my thoughts as of now. What will be my thoughts 5 years after my marriage – only time will tell.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)