Hair Nightmare !!

This is also one of the things that has bothered me since a long long time. In fact, it still does. Some people may think "How stupid it is to bother about this, why does she make a big deal out of this?" But trust me , nobody can understand my agony as well as me.
I always wanted to have long hair. But was never encouraged to do so by my parents. Because I had bad quality, highly densed and extremely wavy (mind you,not curly) hair. My parents had me go bald (mundan) four times as a child !!! Generally they do that so that the child gets straight hair. But my hair is much much more stubborn. It never straightened up ! How many times I fought with my parents to grow my hair. Things once got so bad that I even got a signed declaration from them that they would not force me to get my hair cut. Imagine ! I tried to grow my hair against their wishes but it ended up being so so messy that I finally gave up and said "I want to get my hair cut."
I tried to grow my hair again in college but got fed up of it after a year and went back to my easy-to-manage short hair.
And here I am again, trying to grow my hair. Well, actually I did not try to grow it. I simply did not cut it. This time, its much better. Its still messy and high-maintenance but somehow its not behaving as rebellious as before. I think with me, even my hair has mellowed down in life. This time I have managed to grow it much longer than the previous two attempts.
If you are still reading this, I am extremely sorry...I thought I better write some crap than watch the stupid progress bars of my extremely slow server. But its true that I bother a lot about my hair. But right now, I am loving my "kaale ghane not-so-mulayam baal "

Zindagi kis taraf ja rahi hai.....

One of the things which bothers me THE MOST is the uncertainty in life. I know, I know , I am not the only one. This is something that bothers everyone. We are all afraid of the unknown.

But if you take my case in particular, not many things in my life have gone the way I planned. I really didn't imagine I would be living the kind of life I am living today. I don't know if this is better than what I had imagined or worse. But, it is different. Very very different. No regrets though. I am very happy with my life. I have always welcomed whatever life had to offer me.

But I always wonder why I couldn't achieve what I set out to. Is it because I dreamt too big ? I don't think so. My dreams were pretty reasonable and attainable. I didn't dream to do anything different from what any normal person in my position does. Is it because I lack the will power and determination ? Maybe. But I do know there was no lack of effort from my side. But yes, I have never been stubborn with life. If it has not given me something, I tried till I got tired but didn't really fight for it. I explored for other opportunities and grabbed what came my way and moved on with life happily. I don't know if this is the right approach.

I have been thinking about this more lately, because when I try to glance into my future, I don't see anything. Blank. I have no idea which direction my life is going. Too many things are happening right now at a very fast pace and I am just going with the flow. But then again, even when I did see into my future, things didn't happen the way I imagined. So, does that mean I stop imagining ? stop dreaming ? stop planning ?

Its so funny because as I write this, a wonderful thought struck me ! I think I can draw a parallel here from my workplace! I work in an MNC as a contractor. They brought me in to work on a technology that's just been introduced in the market. All the tasks and deadlines were planned assuming this technology would work fine. That did not happen. Because its recently been introduced, there is hardly any support available. So, what did we do ? We tried with all our might to make it work. We even got hold of the engineer who actually developed this product and had him help us. It still didn't work. We explored other similar products in the market and started using them. Needless to mention, we ran into several problems with this other product too. And yet, none of the deadlines got pushed. Things have so far been on schedule despite the numerous glitches we have faced in this past one month.

This is the truth with most business organizations. Things don't go the planned way. But still, we never stop planning ! Sometimes deadlines get pushed , sometimes we need to devise workarounds for some problems. Imagine how much 'more' mess and chaos will be caused within the organization if we don't plan.

So, the bottom-line is I will plan. Maybe I cannot eliminate the mess and chaos in my life entirely but I can definitely try to reduce it and keep it to minimum. Things may not happen the way I imagine, but I will not stop imagining. That still does not explain why I could not achieve what I set out to. Someday, I will find an answer to it too....maybe ( I cannot say it with certainty :P )

Technical advancement- yeah, right !!

Ok, I admit it . As an engineer and even otherwise as a young 21st century individual (I didnt get a better word!) I am fascinated by technology. As a communications engineer, it really pleases me to see how the world is truly becoming a 'global village' now. How people spaced many miles across, many time zones apart can communicate to each other so effectively.

I live alone in a 1 bedroom apartment. But the truth is I have never really felt lonely. I always have my two buddies by my side - my cell phone and my laptop. I have been in regular touch with all my near and dear ones through cellphone/email/voice chat etc etc. The thought never occurred to me that I live all alone.

And then...I get a call from one of my friends. He is feeling totally miserable and wants to pour his heart out to me. I patiently listen, punctuating his sentences with "hmm" and "ok" occasionally. I am at a loss of words to comfort him. I want to put my arms around his shoulders and tell him "Don't worry, things will get better." I want to hold his hands and assure him that I am always there for him. I just say "don't worry ... take care" and put down the phone. I have no idea how he is feeling right now. If he is crying, tensed or totally in control.

I get another call from another friend. He is moving to India for good. He has plans to come back, I don't know when. I am sure I will meet him sometime, I don't know when. Last I met him was almost two years ago. I have known almost every tiny detail of his life for these past 2 years. We talk/chat almost every other day. I have seen his recent photos. But still, I wish I could meet him once before he left for India.

And then I talk to my parents almost every alternate day. My mother asks me the same questions everytime- what did you have for dinner ? how is work ? how is the cold there ? Are you fine ? I answer all the questions as truly as I can. Sometimes I say I had dal-chawal-sabji for dinner when I am actually eating bread and butter. I say I am fine and work was good when I am running a high temperature and took a day off from work. I also ask her how she is doing, how is her backpain and health in general. She always says she is fine. I wonder if she is answering my questions as truly as she can.

My sister sends me photos and videos of my two little nieces. She writes every tiny detail about their progress to me in emails. The elder one is old enough to talk, so I call my sister's house just so I can hear her voice. I don't know if she knows me but she does know my name - "Litu Maashi". I would like her to know that she has an aunt who loves her a lot. I want to sit by her and help her do her homework, take her to parks and gardens and play with her. I want to hold the tiny hands of my little niece and help her stand up and then make her do boogie woogie. I want to make faces to her to see her smile.

I wonder if we ever will have the technology that would help me do all this sitting alone at home.